Accomplishing Nothing

The first year of my 30s is almost over. And what have I accomplished in my first year? Not a whole lot. I'm currently perched on my couch, in my bath robe with a cat on my lap, watching a shitty rom-com on Stan. Yes, I added another subscription to another streaming site. Because more tv is adding to my ever so sad existence and experience in life. Living exactly the opposite of those motivational posters. 

A whole year has gone by since the big 3-0 and I'm a typical cliché of an unemployed, unmotivated, has-been, that's having a mid mid-life crisis. *Stuffs face with chips and wipes hand on shirt that looks like it hasn't bee washed in weeks*

The plan was to start a new and better chapter in my life. A fresh beginning. A wonderful array of possibilities and adventures. 

However, I haven't had the "aha!" moment where I know exactly how and what I have to do to get my journey started. 

Instead, the looming doom hangs over my head like the regret of that one time you said that thing 5 years ago at a party as a joke and no one laughed, just hanging there reminding you of how pathetic you are and how you're a joke for pinning those motivational quotes on Pinterest. 

Then there's that looming realisation that you may actually not find it and the little money you have will run out and you'll be back in another shitty job wishing for your life to change. 

You're not young any more, you're not dead, but you're no spring chicken with no baggage from 11 years life experience. You're in your 30s. The last decade you can really make a huge change in your life without it actually being a potential death wish.

BUT! (It's a big but for a reason) I'm optimistic. I'm optimistic (blindly optimistic) I can somehow create a new job, a new life and a new me... somehow... hopefully.

I'm holding on to hope that the luck from my 20s finds me in my 30s and guides me in the right direction... soon... very soon, please. 

So for now, I continue to jump from one idea to the next as if it's going to be the life changing moment I need. 

I'll continue to be inspired and continue to try and grow as a person into the person that I desperately so want to become. One day, this blog will have more of a purpose and direction rather than some place I come to occasionally post nonsense and pretty illustrations that have been 'inspired' from someone else.

Until then, I will be my usual multipotentialite self and jump from one idea to the next until they all become one big journey into the impending, sometimes terrifying, unknown hopeful future of a better, more successful, happier, calmer, richer me.




For those of you wondering:
Multipotentialite definition found here 

To Be Happy Or Not To Be? That Is The Question

Living in this modern world where self identity is now an integral part of our self make up that if you, yourself, have no idea what it is you want or envision for your unforeseen future, you are not worthy of existence. 

It's dramatic, but unfortuantely it's very true. 

As a child, I never knew what it was that I wanted from life. All I knew was that I wanted to be happy. No matter where I was or what I was doing. 

To my elders, superiors and even peers, I was seen as a "no hoper".  A person who wouldn't amount to anything. 

Every so often I'd get the the occasional pep talk about how I needed to plan for my future and start building towards it. Then they'd dust their hands and walk away. Leaving me, a young & confused kid, to figure out what it was I "really" wanted. 

These pep talks were never helpful and just left me even more confused than before. 

So, it is of no surprise that at almost 31 years old, I haven't found what I "really" want from life. I don't have a career. And to just add to the stress & confusion, I have the social status of "unemployed" attached to me. For the first time in 14 years, as well. 

So, now I'm in the process of trying to find my true calling in life. Yet I'm still confused as to why I need it. 

Why can't we just be? Why do we all have to have some divine purpose to exist on this planet? Does it even matter? 

Does it change the Earth's trajectory around the Sun? Will mankind be eliminated from existence? 

No. Didn't think so. 

However, it still doesn't change the ridiculous perception of life's purpose that moronic people forced upon the whole of the human race. 

And again, here I am. Lost & confused. 

I have too many doubts in my head to want to go back to university. Mainly because I watch my friends who have a master degrees struggle to find full time work. And often when they do, it's not in the field that they studied. 

So what's the point in wasting those tens of thousands of dollars for just any random job that any random person can apply for?

Which brings me back to the point, why do we need a fucking purpose in life? When in the cold hard reality of the real world, it really doesn't matter if you dreamed of being a ballerina or fireman or supreme court judge. 

The majority of us end up in mind numbing jobs we never ever planned to do. 

The world has gone mad. And for the small amount of us who are smart enough not to buy into this absurd delusion that life has a meaning and must be found and fulfilled. We still have to ride this ludicrous roller coaster called "find your true calling", trying to find some meaning, purpose and even happiness in an inevitably unfulfilling array of nothingness.  

For now, I hold on to hope, that one day, something hits in me square in the head and I wake up knowing exactly what it is I'm going to do that gives me exactly what I want in life.
Which is, food in my belly, roof over my head and a simple happy life. I don't need meaning or a purpose. I just need to enjoy & love my surroundings.

This blog post is for all those out there who are happy to enjoy the life that millions, upon millions, upon millions of years of improbable perfections that occurred to make intelligent life possible on this blue & green planet in this humongous vast universe.
Some of us just want to enjoy this improbable ride we have been blessed with.

Plus we already know the meaning of life is 42 ^.^




Credits: Illustration by Jessica (me!)

To The Beautiful You

Living in this self aware modern age for an introvert is quite difficult. 

Today's norm is to talk about how wonderful, awesome and incredible you are. 

But if you are an introvert this sort of self proclamation is nerve wracking and stomach twisting. 

Once upon a time modesty was a very beautiful attribute to have.  Even in the workplace. And because of modesty a person's work & attributes would speak for themselves. 

But now it's about who can sell themselves the best and loudest. 

Sure, if a person is all talk and no show, it's very evident in the poor quality of their work. But unfortunately they're the ones getting the jobs over the quiet introverts who are more than likely much more qualified for the job. Which is a real shame. 

We now live in a highly saturated society full of selfies and over confident mediocre nothingness. And we all know that basic is tragic. Unfortunately those who call others basic are in fact quite basic themselves. No one actually cares how cool you are. Like, no one!

So, looking forward, choose to be quiet and let the words you don't need to speak, speak for you. Your attitude, kindness and most of all, the work you produce will speak highly & loudly for you. 

You don't need to self advertise. Let modesty be the norm again.

Credit: Illustration by Jessica (me!), quote by anonymous 

Hello Hello

Hello peeps!!! I've been MIA (missing in action not the gorgeous super baben rapper) for a month or so. My apologies.

However, I do have quite a few images and GIFs and arty creations to share with you all! 

And even some interesting, possibly intriguing & thoughtful, words to go with said images & arty creations. *\(^O^)/* 

I am going to try to be more prompt and regular from now on. At the moment I will share once a week on a Wednesday - hump day! 

Happy blogging! See you all soon! 

Lessons With Papi - Intergalatic Planetary

I'm completely fascinated with our universe. It's incredibly complex and mysterious. And every so often it gives us a little view into its complexities and history (as it takes many millions of Earth years for us to receive the light) into the slow death of our universe.

"Life just like the stars & planets & galaxies is just a temporary structure on the long road from order to disorder." - Brian Cox 'Wonders of the Universe'

This to me, this is so comforting. Religion never eased my sense of placement or purpose, but astronomy, cosmology, particle physics, quantum physics and all the other many sciences that go into discovering and ultimately understanding our existence, comforts me. 

"Our true significance lies in our ability & our desire to understand & explore this beautiful universe." - Brian Cox 'Wonders of the Universe'

I now no longer need a purpose or place on this earth. Sheer existence is enlightening/fulfilling enough for me. As long as the human race continues to learn to understand our universe, the less lonely I feel. 

"We are what the cosmos made conscious. Life is the means by which the universe understands itself." - Brian Cox 'Wonders of the Universe'

Vocab: 

행성 (haengseong) - Planet

달 (dal) - Moon

별 (byeol) - Star

Happy V-Day

Happy Valentine's Day to all you lovers and lucky singles! And!!!! Happy first Fan Art Day to me! Wheee. I've always wanted to do fan art. And what better way to show my love and support than with an inappropriate Valentines Card.  Yes, I went there and it's GLORIOUS! 

Being a Fan-girl is nothing new to me. I've always been in love with celebs and slightly obsessed (not weirdly though) over them and imagined marrying them (I'm looking at you Leonardo Dicaprio, Taylor Hanson, Jonathon Taylor Thomas, JC Chasez, Joel Madden, Gerard Way, Kelly Slater, Gwen Stefani, Zooey Deschanel, Dick Van Dyke, Noel Fielding, Tuxedo Mask)  but it never caught me hooked line and sinker. It never changed my life like Kpop has. And now I'm back again in the world of popular culture.

I might as well be fresh meat in this pop fandom as it's been many years since I followed pop culture. I'm quite clueless about the new faces of pop stardom. I'm still quite oblivious to Kpop stars as well. I just listen to the music and dance, attempt to sing and what nots. 

Anyways, I have a little story on how I became [slightly] obsessed with Kpop.  

I had been introduced to Kpop for many years but it never really perpetuated into anything. I enjoyed it a lot, but you know. Eh.  It wasn't indie enough for me.  But then one fateful day (don't remember when but late 2013) my friend sent me a link to a music vid that would change my life forever. I would discover a whole new world, shining shimmering splendid (my words I swear... Ok I lie but Aladdin is the best, had a crush on him too). This one vivid moment etched into my memory forever. This moment where a man rapped his way into my heart and took my breath away. 

What music vid, you ask? The one and only Fantastic Baby by Big Bang.

At first, I was confused by all the dramatic sets and costume design. Sure the guys were hot but I didn't get it. All the pizazz! All that make up! I just didn't get it. Sure it was fun, but eh. 

But then at around 1.10 mins my world and my perception of men would change forever.

I still to do this day have no idea how TOP was able to take my breath away that made me do my little nervous laugh (I have a nervous laugh, it's awkward) and had to put the phone down for a few moments. But he did. 

Now for those who don't know this video he has bright icy blue hair and more eyeliner/eyeshadow I have ever seen on a man. And it was incredible!!! 

A guy at work has said to me for years that I was asian on the inside and would always say I'd marry an asian man. I scoffed at him. Not that I didn't find asian men attractive, I just noticed they liked certain kinds of girls and I wasn't that interested in the culture (yes, I'm aware there are many many many different asian cultures). 

But TOP changed that perception and I found a culture that I adore. 

There are far too many beautiful and quirky and slightly odd things about Korea that I would love to mention in this post. But this post would go on and on and on. 

The main thing is that finding TOP, Kpop, Korea has really brought out my true self. I never fit in much. And I probably don't fit in Korea either. But I feel I have more similarities there than here. Things western people find odd, I get. It's weird, but I really am similar.

So my Fan-girl-dom isn't of a 'traditional' sense where I obsess and cry and wail and scream and laugh and fall madly in love with an idol (*coughs* I'm telling the truth *coughs*) but it's rather one that opened my eyes to a beautiful and incredible culture that I had previously not known about.

So, thank you TOP for taking my heart and placing it in South Korea. One day, I'll go there and pick it up.

Happy Valentine's Day! *\(^O^)/* 

You can watch the vid here. It's incredible!!! 

Credit: Fan Art by Jessica (me!)

Lessons With Papi - I Pear You

Learning a new language is hard, daunting, and confusing.  As an adult learner, I've had 30 odd years to perfect my first language and even though I've had 30 years of learning and speaking, it's still incredibly difficult to speak my first language. ^.^

I enjoy learning Korean for many reasons.  It's new, the dialect is fairly straight forward (with a few exceptions to the rule) and I find it to sound beautiful. 

If you're wondering how I chose the words for Lessons With Papi- it's far more simple than you think.  I chose words that I can draw. Drawing doesn't come easily to me.  So I have to keep everything fairly simple. 

Vocab:

사과 (sagwa) - Apple

복숭아 (bogsung-a) - Peach 

배 (bae) - Pear