Seoul-ful

I read an incredible quote the other day “Stay away from negative people.  They have a problem for every solution.”

I would like to say it struck a chord, but it didn’t.  I’ve known this for a very long time.  These people will never change.  And for some reason I attract them.  And worst of all, I let them bring me down.

In my new found profoundness I am doing all I can do to eliminate these negative people and their negative energy.  I am going to change my life.  I’m not going to get stuck (like I have been), I’m going places and these people can stay in their sad bubble not changing even though the solution is right there in front of them.

I want to move to South Korea.  I’m putting it out there in the universe to bubble away and grow into my future.   It’s what I want!  And I’m going to get what I want!!!

I’m meeting new people (Koreans) and I’m loving it.  I go out for dinner (which I don’t think I’ve ever done) and when I take photos with them… they’re beautiful.  Just meeting these people (even if it’s only for a brief moment) is igniting that ability to dream, aspire, and create for a better future.  My better future.

But most of all, I’m starting to believe in myself more.

One day, this blog is going to be about me experiencing a new way of life in South Korea. And I can't wait for that day! That is the ultimate dream. 

Negative

I haven't been the most positive person lately, probably because I'm dealing with a chest infection that feels more like death than glitter and rainbows. 

The think positive lifestyle thing is really getting on my nerves.  Don't get me wrong positivity is a good thing, but too many people don't use it the way it was intended.  

It's not to be used as a weapon.  Don't tell someone that their life sucks because they're not positive.  That's not a very positive thing to say.  Especially to a perfectionist. 

I have spent a good part of my life trying to be perfect.  Finding the perfect balance between living and living life to the fullest.  I am currently failing at it.  

I am so much of a perfectionist that my partially renovated apartment has finally gotten the better of me and I'm searching for boxes to pack up all my stuff so I can't look at it any more. I'm sick of it all.  I'm an all or nothing person.  

This is why simple words can have such a massive impact on me.  

Yes, I'm negative.  But everything in my life that has happened to be hasn't been because of me. It's always been someone else's mistake, decision, choice etc.  I have never made the decision that has impacted my life this way. And that's what makes me so negative.

I used to say, I wish I had been a massive drug addict so then I can feel this guilt that I feel for a reason.  But I wasn't.  I was young and I got sick.  And that's it.  My life thus far is because I got sick when I was a teenager. 

Please don't tell me to be positive right now.  I can't bear it.  I'm tired.  I'm exhausted.  And I'm dealing with three diseases right now. And only one can be treated with medication.  

The Layers

We've all been this person.  Can never figure out whether we're coming or going. Left or right. Up or down. 

For me, it's almost a daily occurrence.  Having the invisible illness (ME/CFS) it's like a Russian roulette of pain or gain every day I wake. 

There are so many layers to a person, to their lives, to their souls that it is so hard to express their inner selves in an image.  I'm experimenting with layering.  An image within an image within an image.  Inception perhaps.  Haha.  

I used 3 images to make this image a reality.  My reality.  A self portrait of me.  Of my soul.  My complexities.  It is hard to see the real me. But that's what makes me beautiful.  The layers. 

When Life Gives You Lemons

You make lemonade right? Or tequila shots, which ever is your preferred preference.  For me I find my dark corner and I hide in it.  I'm just not good with confrontation.  I never have been.

Today's image is just something short and sweet... nothing complicated.  I was second photographer on a shoot and I just brought my Panasonic GF1 with me for quick snaps. 

I do love using this camera as in low light you get this grainy dirty look.  It's raw and can't be perfected... Well my skills can't seem to perfect it.  So instead, I work with it. 

And because I'm feeling like life hates me... This image is dark and moody... It still has some warmth, as I know my feeling of hopelessness won't last.