Living in this modern world where self identity is now an integral part of our self make up that if you, yourself, have no idea what it is you want or envision for your unforeseen future, you are not worthy of existence.
It's dramatic, but unfortuantely it's very true.
As a child, I never knew what it was that I wanted from life. All I knew was that I wanted to be happy. No matter where I was or what I was doing.
To my elders, superiors and even peers, I was seen as a "no hoper". A person who wouldn't amount to anything.
Every so often I'd get the the occasional pep talk about how I needed to plan for my future and start building towards it. Then they'd dust their hands and walk away. Leaving me, a young & confused kid, to figure out what it was I "really" wanted.
These pep talks were never helpful and just left me even more confused than before.
So, it is of no surprise that at almost 31 years old, I haven't found what I "really" want from life. I don't have a career. And to just add to the stress & confusion, I have the social status of "unemployed" attached to me. For the first time in 14 years, as well.
So, now I'm in the process of trying to find my true calling in life. Yet I'm still confused as to why I need it.
Why can't we just be? Why do we all have to have some divine purpose to exist on this planet? Does it even matter?
Does it change the Earth's trajectory around the Sun? Will mankind be eliminated from existence?
No. Didn't think so.
However, it still doesn't change the ridiculous perception of life's purpose that moronic people forced upon the whole of the human race.
And again, here I am. Lost & confused.
I have too many doubts in my head to want to go back to university. Mainly because I watch my friends who have a master degrees struggle to find full time work. And often when they do, it's not in the field that they studied.
So what's the point in wasting those tens of thousands of dollars for just any random job that any random person can apply for?
Which brings me back to the point, why do we need a fucking purpose in life? When in the cold hard reality of the real world, it really doesn't matter if you dreamed of being a ballerina or fireman or supreme court judge.
The majority of us end up in mind numbing jobs we never ever planned to do.
The world has gone mad. And for the small amount of us who are smart enough not to buy into this absurd delusion that life has a meaning and must be found and fulfilled. We still have to ride this ludicrous roller coaster called "find your true calling", trying to find some meaning, purpose and even happiness in an inevitably unfulfilling array of nothingness.
For now, I hold on to hope, that one day, something hits in me square in the head and I wake up knowing exactly what it is I'm going to do that gives me exactly what I want in life.
Which is, food in my belly, roof over my head and a simple happy life. I don't need meaning or a purpose. I just need to enjoy & love my surroundings.
This blog post is for all those out there who are happy to enjoy the life that millions, upon millions, upon millions of years of improbable perfections that occurred to make intelligent life possible on this blue & green planet in this humongous vast universe.
Some of us just want to enjoy this improbable ride we have been blessed with.
Plus we already know the meaning of life is 42 ^.^
Credits: Illustration by Jessica (me!)
