For The Fear

Fear is something we all have and a lot of us don't want to admit having.   But we all have it.  And for some it's rather controlling.  Like myself. 

For a good portion of my life, I've been scared.  I was never that confident person that I appeared to be (perception is bullshit).  I much preferred the dark corner of the room at that really cool party (I was invited to parties for a short period of time because I had a cool accent... true story). 

For 10 years I've been living in fear.  I'm scared what my body is doing and thinking so I just continue on doing what I've always done.  Watched from afar waiting for something exciting to happen. 

Well, guess what!  It's not happening.  For years, I've been poking around in the dark looking for something.  Anything!  And I suppose I still am.  Hopefully these illustrations, comics, and blog posts lead me to a new and fun adventure. 

|| Creative Dreams ||

I've been struggling a lot lately with my own creative identity. The current job role I have doesn't feed my creativity, which also makes me think if I'm forcing this creativity onto myself. Do I have this talent or not? Or am I destined for the grey suited world forever until the day I die? 

It's a hard thing to keep yourself motivated with creativity. I've had a weird career in that I've never finished anything. I'm literally not qualified for anything even though I've been working the same job for 10 years. 

I'm at a crossroads... Do I continue to put a roof over my head & food in my belly or pursue a dream of creativity (which might not be tangible) & have no money, possibly starve to death in the rain. OR! be incredibly successful (which is a massive gamble since creativity relies solely on the popularity with others to be successful)??? 

I'm scared of both roads. The idea of being stagnant and under appreciated (pretty much worthless) but with a VERY good income is depressing (not the money part).

But being creative (possible still under appreciated) with no idea if there will be a steady (will pay my bills) income also depresses me. But which will stress/depress me less? 

Growing up I never knew what I wanted to do. NEVER. I went from one thing to the next hoping I'd be good at something. I was literally average at everything. 

So I took a year off (gap year) before going to Uni. Hoping life would slap me in the face. I started two Diplomas and finished zero. 

I'm now 30 years old and life still hasn't slapped me in the face (well not in that wonderful and gloriously delightful way... It's kicked me to the ground and continued to kick).

Yet I still hold onto a little bit of hope that life, the universe, and everything will give me my answer (42!) and guide me in the right direction. 

BUT! Am I holding on to a lifeless dream that I won't work in a corporate office with corporate psychopaths (It's not passion when a person has to belittle, berate and stab another person in the back for a shitty admin job... It's amazing how that type of evil is confused with passion) ??? 

Or should I start sucking it up and just play this bullshit corporate game to hold onto something that pays bills yet sucks the life out of me. 

What is more important? Survival or happiness?

I thought I had the answer to it. But I'm starting to think my survival is pointless if I'm not living. But then, what's the point in living if you're not surviving???

Lessons With Papi - Transportation

Lately I've been trying to challenge my own drawing style with the Papi comics. I should probably mention that drawing doesn't come easily to me. 

I literally can't get the thought to paper. 

I'm often having to look up how to draw something. (*cough cough* the subway took me forever. I literally have no perspective). Thank goodness we live in a digital age where I can draw on a screen and undo as I make mistakes. (WOW!)

I downloaded the webtoon app to help inspire, amuse and entertain myself. 

So I have been trying to find ideas and embrace that everyone has a different drawing style. Which is wonderful to watch and learn every week with the updates.

I don't know if I will continue to draw in this style. It's definitely the most fun thing I have drawn so far. 

Vocab:

배 (bae) - Ship

지하철 (ji-ha-cheol) - Subway 

비행기 (bi-hang-gi) - Aeroplane

If I Fits, I Sits

I haven't done a Papi comic in awhile... For many reasons. Firstly, I was away on a small trip to Sydney (to see family but mainly to see BIGBANG - Yays *\(^o^)/*) but I had terrible motion sickness the whole time which left me dizzy, nauseous and confused for most of the trip.  (BIGBANG were awesome - will post about it later) 

The second excuse is that I have an inner ear infection that I can't shake which explains why my Sydney trip was kinda ruined. Probably had it then as well. 

So I just did this quick comic to help myself with my terrible memory for vocab. (Yay for learning Korean!)

The two things I love more than anything is sitting and sleeping... So a bed and a chair fits me well today. 

Vocab: 

침대 (chim-dae) - Bed

부기맨 (boo-gi-man) - Boogey Man

의자 (ui-ja) - Chair 

|| So Fab ||

There's just those definitive moments in life that you realize you watch WAY too much TV. 

Last weekend I utilized my Netflix for the greater good... Binged watched Ab Fab. 

I wanted to tweet my incredibly awesome weekend and went looking for a pic to go with it... 

This is what I found... 

Our pic was taken in 2011... It was a housewarming party.  We were having a grand old time.  And Ab Fab was my TV show of choice. 

If only we had the money to go with our fabulousness! 

Pats & Eds Forevs!